ARE YOU OUT THERE MOMMIN’ so HARD?

I'd like to talk candidly about Motherhood.

Matrescense: the transition of motherhood

“Matrescence,” a term coined in 1973 by Dana Raphael, a medical anthropologist who also popularized the phrase “doula.” 

Unlike adolescence or menopause both being well documented and many symptoms explained, Matrescence is like a transition of life without a guide or plan and no explanation of “symptoms.” While many a book has been written on motherhood and what to expect. Each journey is different and can look completely different then what the “book” says. Many woman such as myself have had emotions that can only be questioned with “Is this Post Partum Depression?” because I don’t have any other words for what I’m feeling.

Thankfully this word came across my ears recently and made so much sense to my stage of life and I can only think it will make sense to all women “post partum- A.B. (after baby).”

When I first heard the words POST PARTUM I naturally thought it had an end date….but I heard a podcast reference post partum as after baby which means forever….I laughed at my simple thought that it ended. So now as I think of my body as post partum I am seeing things as changed FOREVER, and seeing this change as a good thing. Seeing my body this way has been challenging for me. From accepting the new position of my breasts, to accepting the difficulty my heart feels when I’m handing JP over at daycare every day. It’s a mental and physical battle like none I’ve ever known. Not to mention my ever changing libido? Can I get an AMEN? (On that thought…new moms please know the desire to have sex will come back, if it doesn’t something may be off hormonally. I don’t care how old you are but getting your libido to wake up 1. CAN HAPPEN and 2. MIGHT TAKE MORE THEN SLEEP. Please reach out to me if your libido isn’t what it once was or if your libido comes and goes.) 

The older and wiser moms nod their heads like it’s a right of passage… this brings me comfort knowing others have gone before and navigating these things successfully. Yet, we don’t gather enough as women to share the stories or to listen to the new ones. New moms are either to busy and tired to gather, and the seasoned moms are either to busy or tired to share with the younger. This isn’t something easy for either side of the journey, but so important and necessary. If you need some moms please reach out to me so I can connect you with other moms out there “Mommin so hard.” 

Motherhood is a no man’s land full of landmines without warnings sometimes. It is uniquely different for all of us, from conception to post baby. The stories we write with our birth journey look vastly different and for good reason. We need to hear each other even if it feels painful to share or it’s vastly different then yours. Our journey through motherhood should be shared just like your journey through menopause should be shared. 

After I had JP I felt a surge of hormones running through my body, some I had never felt before. I was up and down depending on the hour. Then as the months grew and we settled down and I settled down, my body and emotions shifted again. This time I could spot the hormonal surges better but they still came and went. Thankfully due to my career I knew this was normal and could treat myself more effectively and reach out to my network for support on hard days but I am surrounded by many women who don’t understand what their bodies are doing and are afraid of post partum depression. It is a real condition however, in my opinion it is to quickly diagnosed instead of understanding that shifts and transitions are normal early after giving birth and sometimes well into the first or second year of your baby’s life. Knowing what’s coming could really help women not feel isolated, alone, scared, confused, exhausted, and conflicted for feeling these things. Thankfully the definition of true post partum is being better defined. I wish this word Matrescence was being referenced and explained more in maternal circles and medical circles, as I am sure it would bring more comfort to new moms alike. 

As I navigate motherhood month by month with my new babe I hope to be able to connect with new moms like myself and seasoned moms with wisdom I might not have and older moms who have finished raising their littles and are now transitioning their role into grandmother. There is insight to be learned from every stage and comfort to be offered on those hard days when I can’t see what’s ahead of me. 

Don’t MOM it alone…. you don’t have to. Reach out, don’t be afraid to ask for a friend whatever stage of life you’re in, we need each other. 

~ For more resources to mom groups and help please shoot me an email and I'll help you navigate what Dothan, AL offers!